To scaredd to call suicide hotline?

i really have been getting really bad thoughts lately bout suicide and i need help before i actually do it. and i cant talk to my parents cause my mom doesnt care bout me and she hates me, she always said theres nothin wrong with me and its all in my head. the other day i went cryin to school cause my mom and i got asked if i wanted to go to the guidance but im to scared to go or to talk to suicide hotline. which is better my guidance councelour or suicide hotline? i dont want my mom to get mad at me for goin to guidance but i think it might be better